The Beginning of the To-Be End

At twenty years old, I have come to realize few things. I realize there are things in life that are important, and things in life that simply are just not worth the time.

I've spent the last four hours in the Denver, Colorado International Airport. Do you (reader) know what that does to a person? It forces them to hate every aspect of human life on an International degree. People smell, push, and you end up eating Quiznos because that is the only non gross and reasonably priced item of food to eat (by the way- it was still disgusting). Spending this much time in any airport makes you question your integrity, your dignity, your self control (when you break down and eat Quiznos). The first sign of weakness was the moment I smoked two cigarettes back to back, and payed 4 dollars for a Mtn. Dew (side note: I don't even drink pop) just so I could sit in the lounge in Terminal C, when my flight departed from A. Now, as I watch all these hipsters board my plane, I really start to think... What does this all mean? What am I living my life to realize? Do I need to realize something? Is there something more important than something that isn't important? Doesn't any of this even make sense?

Twenty has such a powerful meaning. I'm a woman, I'm empowered, but still I am self conscious and I can't help but to feel like I am still 12 years old. I still feel ugly, I still feel bloated, I still feel bullied, and I still feel under valued. When does this change? Is there some moment I need to be waiting for that will alter my life in some completely amazing way? Will it happen and then I'll feel like I finally have purpose and meaning? Will fireworks go off and my eyes fill up with tears that poor over the brim of my eyelid?

I don't know what happens, I don't know when this will all change. All I know is, we are whom we are. No one can change us but ourselves. While there is always room for improvement, and I know this is korn-y, but we are all God's creation, we are of a higher power and amazing beings, so let's just all focus on that wonderful and amazing realization. We have all been given a gift, we need to outlive it to it's fullest.